We are traveling and it is fun. (It is fun. It is fun. It is fun.) OK, I don’t actually have to convince myself, it really is fun (mostly). We’ve stayed in hotels and gone swimming, hung out with grandparents, gone to the zoo, had picnics in new parks, splashed in new splash pads, been spoiled by said grandparents, and basically been on vacation. What is NOT fun is the lack of stability that our kids often crave, which can lead to some bigger issues, both physical and emotional.
A few nights ago, my sweet little boy woke up with a tummy ache and asked for oil (dōTERRA Digestzen to the rescue!). When he woke up for the day and I asked him how he felt, his answer was an unenthusiastic “OK, mama.” And then it came, attention and questions from Mama, Daddy, and Grandma. For a little guy, or anyone for that matter, it must have been awesome to have so much attention devoted to his tummy, or perhaps as seen by a little, as just devoted to him. And so his tummy which had been, “OK,” backslid to, “It hurts a little,” and finally landed on, “Maybe a movie would make it feel better.” And I thought to myself, “we have a faker on our hands.” This is not my first rodeo when it comes to kids faking. It seems such a negative term, doesn’t it? But the deal is, littles will sometimes fake illness, injury, etc. to get something they crave, and in this case (as it most often is), it was a bit of attention. My husband and I know this, we have lived it before, and that was when we decided how we would deal with fakers.
A year or so ago our family fought a bought of sickness that, over the course of a couple weeks, affected everyone (of course it did, because puking and/or diarrhea isn’t enough if done by just one person). During that time, particularly when the kids were sick, we laid low. We stayed in jammies or lounge clothes, read lots of books, played with play dough and sand, quietly crafted, watched daytime movies, and took it EASY. One night, a few days after the illness has passed and we were all feeling better, my sweet boy came to me and wanted to snuggle. He didn’t feel well, he said. It was his tummy, he said. I typically believe my kids. If they tell me they’re sick, they’re sick. If they say they just saved the world from destruction, they are superheroes. But this, I felt in my mama gut that something was amiss. Deep down, I just knew he was faking.
Do I give in to a faker?? What kind of precedent will it set? It was a Sunday night and I still wasn’t prepared for the week ahead, and to be honest, I really wanted a glass of wine and to chat with my husband while he cooked dinner. So I settled my dear boy on the sofa with a big pillow, a cozy blanket, and one of his favorite books and between sips of wine, I read. When the last page was turned, he asked if I would bring him dinner on a tray, because his tummy hurt and that (how did I not already know this?) would make him feel better. After a short conference with the hubs, we decided that yes, while our wee one was likely trying to cheat the system a bit, in the end, who cares? So there we were, the whole family, sitting in the living room eating dinner. The kids shared the tray on the sofa, I ate on the floor, and my husband sat on the chaise, all eating in solidarity for the “sick kid” on the sofa. It worked.
And here we are today at Grandma’s house, where an achey tummy gets Essential Oil, a little extra love, and an episode of Andy Griffith. And what do you know, it worked like a charm. Sometimes I think our kids need a little extra assurance that we will always take care of them and their hurts, real or imagined. Whether it’s the imaginary owies that absolutely NEED bandaids (“No, Mama, the green bandaid!”), monsters in the closet that need shooing (“Mama, did you get him?”), or dinner on a tray eaten in the living room to somehow soothe a rumbly tummy (“Thank you, Mama, my tummy feels better.”), it’s OK to do these things. I promise, you won’t lose too much money on bandaids (buy in bulk at Costco!), monsters will become a thing of the past, and the tray will go back to being used for breakfast in bed on special occasions. But our kids, they will always remember how special we made them feel and the ways we took care of them. And that, my friends, is worth it.