I don’t know how many ways I’ve said it:
“Excuse the mess."
"I’m so sorry, it’s been a crazy day here” (while gesturing to, you know, the whole of my unkempt home).
“Auggh, don’t look at my house, it’s a disaster!”
“That laundry is all clean, I promise!”
And I meant it, EVERY TIME! Oh the embarrassment of someone popping by because they just wanted to see us, or were in the neighborhood, or wanted to return the whatever-it-was they borrowed and I was not READY! And so, as I usher them through the door, the apology comes out as automatically as wiping my child’s runny nose with my own t-shirt. And it happens no matter what condition my house is in, even if I’ve just cleaned. I know I will have missed something, and out comes the apology, because of course the one thing my friend will notice is the undusted bookshelves and it’s horrifying (note: my friends don’t care if my house is “dirty,” and I know this, they’re all wonderful).
I’m not the only one to do this. I know because I hear it from other Mamas when I walk into their homes! So, why?? It’s because we want you to know that we see it. Seriously, I didn’t just spend three hours cleaning and not notice the smeared handprints on the dining room windows. I noticed, I cringed a little, but when it came down do it, I just didn’t care all that much and figured I’d get to it later. The crumbs (or, let’s face it, entire chunks of food) left under the table? Yes, I know they’re there! I saw them, and walked past them, because I was doing something else very, very important- like bringing a bandage for a bear who, my little ones assured me, had an owie that needed immediate attention. And they would know, because they’re both doctors, as one could tell by the stethoscope and furrowed brows.
Don’t get me wrong, my house is not “dirty”. It would pass a general level of cleanliness most of the time and I do a deep clean every…. so often, after which I feel great. So great that I want to invite all my friends and host a party, the point of which would be to show my friends that YES(!!!!) my house is c-l-e-a-n!! Look at it, smell it, take it all in, folks, because it will not look like this tomorrow! But there is never any party, because during the exact moment I’m savoring the delight of my sparkly home, the doctors are calling to me. Their patient just threw up and needs a change of clothes, and they need my help because they’re busy taking his temperature.
So, Mamas and Daddies, if this resonates with you, keep reading. Let’s not make perfection a model for our kids to follow, because they’ll never get there. How about instead, we allow them to live in their own skins, imperfections and all; to be messy, life is like that. I’m not advocating you let Lego’s live permanently on your living room floor, or let your kiddos wear their lunch without nary an attempt at cleaning them up, or make your way through piles of clothes to get your littles to bed at night. But let’s teach them that no matter the mess (and this almost always our perception, not theirs), we will always show up to be with them (whether this is to play, listen, encourage, or just simply “be”), that they don’t need to apologize for who they are, for what they look like, for what they didn’t accomplish when the reality is that who they are is so much more than picked up toys and a tidy bedroom. They are enough. And so are we. Then have them clean their rooms, it builds character. And if you’re reading this (wahooo- my first post!!), welcome to my blog!!! I’m just getting started so, you know, excuse the mess.