Every now and then, whilst flipping through pictures on my phone, I find one of poop. Let me explain. Potty training was a BIG DEAL in our house, as I’m sure it is in every home where at least one parent is hoping, praying, and solidly committed to ensuring the little people who live with them get out of diapers. Pooping can be the worst. Where many kids have no problem peeing in the potty, parents will often realize (with a bit of panic) that it’s all too quiet in their home. And when they go to investigate, they may find a little one hiding behind the curtains. Pooping. There is often a moment of internal anguish for the parent, before the gush of calm reassurances, “It’s OK, buddy, we can get to the potty next time.” And, “You’re such a big girl, next time let’s try and go in the potty.” And so it was in our house, that pooping on the potty was a cause for celebration. But is a celebration real, if someone you want to celebrate with is missing? Well, it sure is if you can just email them a picture of your accomplishment!
We are in an age of technology where almost anything can be instantly captured and easily shared. And so I do. When my sweet boy climbed a tree in the back yard, the first thing I did after exclaiming how awesome it was that he could look down on mama, was say, “Let me take a picture for daddy so he can see how brave you are!” When my daughter built an amazing tower out of magna-tiles, I told her how much I loved all the spires and then said, “Let’s take a photo for Grandma, she’ll think this is so cool!” And so I have created, in our home, an environment where we share and celebrate our successes, and, as I have learned, that sometimes means pictures of poop. It is not unheard of for a voice in my house to call out, “Mama, come look at my poop!” Followed almost immediately by the request to take a picture and send it to daddy. The message we sent, that pooping in the potty is SUPER COOL, was received.
And here’s where I believe we, as parents, need to take a step back and think. What messages are we sending our kids? Some messages, for instance that pooping on the potty is the best thing ever, are pretty innocuous. I won’t be taking poop pictures forever. But what messages do my kids hear that sit heavy on their hearts? What messages do I send them that will, unwittingly, begin to define who they are as they see themselves? I think of this, a lot, and am conscious that, “while the axe soon forgets, the tree remembers forever.” The messages we send our kids (though we may forget them immediately) may just sit in their souls, and should those messages be negative, or shaming, we have done our children a disservice. This doesn't mean we don't discipline, or that we damage our kids every time we lose our cool. It does mean that have to parent intentionally. We parents have such an incredible opportunity to help grow our children into responsible citizens of the world, people we like and want to be with, people we not only love, but trust. People who are gentle and kind. And to grow them well, we have to plant the right seeds. And so I ask, what seeds will you plant today?